Steph's Blog: A letter of love to my youngest boy
A letter of reflection to my youngest baby after a battle of wills leaves us both in tears...
I sit here on your bed. The bathroom light throws gentle shadows below your thick frill of eyelashes. You are sleeping deep now, your hiccuping sobs have slowly lessened and now my tears wet your cheeks.
You are not quite yet three. When we stand aside you barely grace my hip height. You are so tiny. My baby still, when you let me. But you are big baby. Your tempers roar. Your frustrations rumble. Your will so solid it weighs me. Your insistence, it picks at my fraying edges. I unravel baby and I'm not proud.
Tonight your desire was simple. You wanted not Daddy but Mummy to place your sippy-cup on the floor. We refused, was that right?
You cried and yelled for an hour. I explained to you why. I used every reason I had, every word combination. You screamed louder. I said I would put you outside, in the dark. I wanted you to stop. You didn't stop, you bellowed and bellowed, you woke your brother and then your sister. You did not stop "I just want Mummy to take my bot-bot, not dad" It makes no sense. I carried you outside, I placed you on the deck. I'm not proud baby. You screamed louder, your frustrations burning your cheeks.
We came back to your bed. You kicked and thrashed "I just want mummy to take my bot-bot, not dad". I tightly tucked sheets around your warm and sweating wild self. You hollered and boomed and frenzied "I just want mummy to take my bot-bot, not dad"
I heard you. "You just want mummy to take it? Just mummy take your bot-bot? Just mummy? Not dad!"
You rolled on your side baby. You put your thumb in your mouth. I wiped your wet, swollen eyes with my sleeve, and then your nose.
I sit here on your bed. The bathroom light throws gentle shadows below your thick frill of eyelashes. You are sleeping deep now, your hiccuping sobs have slowly lessened and now my tears wet your cheeks. Tomorrow I will listen.
Even if I can't fix your problems I can hear them x
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